• Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • enquiries@annedukecounselling.co.uk
  • 07762267384

Anne Duke Counselling

  • Home
  • About me
  • Counselling
    • Counselling for adults
    • Walk and talk therapy
    • Counselling for young people
    • Fees
  • Supervision
  • Blog
  • Contact Me
  • Home
  • About me
  • Counselling
    • Counselling for adults
    • Walk and talk therapy
    • Counselling for young people
    • Fees
  • Supervision
  • Blog
  • Contact Me

Self-Care – How do you look after yourself?

Self Care

I hosted a CPD workshop at Network Counselling and Training with my colleague Louise Mill, she encouraged us to think about the importance of taking time to care for ourselves.

This led me to think about the last few months and whether I have actually been taking care of myself or have I just been kidding myself that I am good at it. Probably the latter if I am honest.

When I began as a counsellor I decided that I would take the month of August off every year. It was easy back then as I was working almost full time as a school counsellor and so this break fitted nicely with the school terms and it’s what all school staff do………hang on until the summer break, counting down the days until the most wonderful day of the school calendar arrives – yes the last day of term! Despite, always loving my work as a Counsellor, it was wonderful, I could really scale back on my work and take a good lengthy break, often falling ill within the first few days of the holidays as I allowed my body and mind to rest.

I realise, now, that this is not the healthiest way to manage my health and well-being. I now only work two days a week in school and largely self-employed so not able to afford the luxury of taking a whole month off. I have had to establish a new routine of self-care and it’s not just waiting for the school holidays, I realised this had to be an every-day exercise.

We often forget how important it is to look after ourselves, perhaps because we have received messages over the years that make this difficult to achieve; such as ‘it’s selfish to take time out for ourselves’, ‘resting is lazy’, ‘put others before yourself’ or perhaps we just find it difficult to relax or spend time in our own company.

In many work place situations there is kudos in being busy, we are considered successful if we work long hours or fill every waking hour ‘doing’. In truth this is just a slippery slope to ill health and/or burn out. We have pressure to work hard and earn well, whilst at one level there is nothing wrong this, at another we can be driven to an unhealthy way of living, increased stress, anxiety, depression and physical ill health. We forget that there is more to life than work and striving, we are existing not living.

So what can we do about it?

I have recently read a book called The Self-Care Project by Jayne Hardy. This is a great little book giving lots of practical and easy suggestions for self-care and explores the importance of self-care. This is one of many books, blogs, articles written on self-care so I’m not going to cover the same ground here. My hope is to simplify our self-care practices and help you think about what it is that can you do to take care of yourself without having yet another ‘thing’ to do, perhaps leaving you feeling ‘bad’ when you don’t manage to fit it in to your already busy day.

Self-care does not (and should not) be a burden, self-care is about genuinely looking out for yourself and doing something ‘nice’ for yourself – ideally every day or whenever you can. So my suggestion would be to do one ‘nice’ thing for yourself every day – something you enjoy. It could be reading, TV, running, walking, breathing (yes breathing! Mindfully), smiling, laughing, cuddling your kids, partner, pets, yoga, exercise, this list is endless. Find something that helps you feel warm inside.

I walk.

Every day I find time to walk, some days just only for half an hour but I walk every day. I have the joy of having two wonderfully entertaining spaniels who need walking every day and so this begins each day for me. A walk watching them chase and run like they never have before. I watch the joy they experience chasing leaves, rolling in wet grass (and sometimes smelly things!), sniffing and just feeling the wind blowing past their nose and it reminds me to embrace the moment and breathe. With this my body and mind relax as I take in the moment, as it is, right there and then and I am glad to be alive enjoying the world around me. I forget the work schedule, I forget my worries – I just ‘am’, and it is wonderful.

My other suggestion for looking after ourselves is to be kind. I always aim to be genuinely kind – to myself and to others. I think this has always come fairly naturally to me, I was lucky that I had parents who encouraged me to be kind and I truly believe I reap the benefits of kindness.

However, I, like many others, can easily get caught up with a fearful inner voice, one that only knows how to keep me from experiencing pain or danger by being mean and critical, but this voice just keeps me down, prevents me from looking after myself, drives me to be the best I can but it isn’t always kind. This inner voice tells me lies and would keep me fearful if I let it. So whenever I catch this inner voice about to verbally bash me, I am gentle and kind to it. I remind this inner part of me how to be kind and compassionate towards myself and others.

In the book ‘The Kindness Project’ by Shahroo Izadi (2018), Shahroo introduces us to the couch analogy. Shahroo suggests we imagine a room with a couch. As we enter the room, someone is sitting lazily across the couch giving us a constant negative narrative, this person says horrible things to us, says we are weak, lazy, tells us to give up, that we are no good. Shahroo asks us how this would feel. Then another person enters the room and despite not having much room, perches on the edge of the couch and in response to the negative commentary, quietly and gradually offers a more positive and gentle voice, encouraging, suggesting that the truth is that we are strong, brave, hard-working, intelligent. Gradually and over time, this voice gets more confident and takes up more space on the couch and eventually will speak more often and louder than the negative voice. I can relate to this analogy, as I am sure many can. Just imagine, being much kinder and fairer with yourselves. How much easier life would be, how much less worry and stress we may experience, if, we could encourage and support ourselves through stressful times rather than add to them by beating ourselves up.

So, I remind myself often, that kindness is something I can offer myself, not just others. Someone today reminded me of the flow of compassion and kindness. Kindness for others, kindness from others and kindness for ourselves. What a wonderful world it would be if we were all able to share in this flow on kindness.

Each day I try to remember:

Do one ‘nice’ or enjoyable thing every day for myself

Be kind to myself and others.

So how do you look after yourself?

Previous Post: «Walk and Talk Therapy, Bristol What is Walk and Talk Therapy?
Next Post: Menopause – It’s a woman thing! »

Primary Sidebar

Recent posts

Menopause – It’s a woman thing!

Menopause – It’s a woman thing!

Self-Care – How do you look after yourself?

Self-Care – How do you look after yourself?

What is Walk and Talk Therapy?

What is Walk and Talk Therapy?
Copyright © 2022 Anne Duke Counselling · All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy · Log in
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT
Scroll Up